Day 2

Day 2: Sept 7, 2009

It was a fine cold day. Rain was constant. It just won’t stop. I had the usual day for this non-working holiday. My friend stayed over the night, so we slept in the morning and woke up around noon. Before I reached the door, I sat on my bed and read His Words. I really need His Grace, I know it sufficient, but knowing and be reminded of His Promises and His Message for me, I have to have that everyday. I can’t do this alone, apart from I will be completely at LOST.

And oh. FINALLY, I went to Trinoma! with my family. I didn’t quite enjoy the place, because people are everywhere! and of course, the gloomy environment U_U anyhow, I am happy to say that I’ve been to Trinoma na )

Brunch: Menudo, Cucumber and Lettuce

Merienda: 2 pcs Chicken and 2 spoons of Pancit Malabon

Dinner: Apple and some KFC fries

First Day

Day 1: Sept 6

My first day was a wacko. I started the day right by spending quality time with His Words. I love reading Chronicles. But as I have finished the 2 books, it makes me want to read the prebooks before that. So I guess I really have to start from the beginning.

⁹ “And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. ¹⁰ Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work.”

1 Chronicles 28:9-10

This really led me to pray to purify my heart and my desires. Why am I doing this? and I got motivated that it’s not about how quick I am going to lose, but the learning and the discipline from the hard process of it. It’s HARD. I will be tempted. but then again, going back to the heart, what is my motive?

External does not matter, Internal which includes our mind, heart and soul, those things MATTER.

Brunch: Nuts, Papaya. 2 pork cubes

Dinner: 1 1/2 Krispy Kreme donuts. (I KNOOOOOOOOW >_<)

2 pcs roasted Chicken

Gained.

I just found out I gained weight. I just want to crush the weighing scale. Oh no. I WILL NEVER TELL IT. I know they’re just numbers, I will not fear them. I screamed in my room, wanting to cry for the saddest truth I just can feel. BUT. Over and over again, I’ve been here, all the same issue, I don’t get the point why I can’t overcome it. I have to surrender again, and submit myself to the LORD. that HE is now the Lord of this area. Hypothyroidism, I cut you now, and you’re gone! In Jesus’ Name!!!

So now. I will be accountable to this site. I promise as I try my best as I can to blog how I honor God when it comes to my eating habits. This would be painful. I fear food most of the time, and it’s not good. It’s like a phobia of getting fat. but now, I realize, oh no, the scale doesn’t lie, the pants don’t fit, what’s happening now, I GAINED.

Sometimes, it’s better to lose everything to gain something more in the end. I feel that again and again God is pointing out here in this area of my life, that Number#1, He loves me no matter what figure you have, for He created me according to His image. Second, This body is not mine, it’s HIS. Third, Food is a grace from Him. and TOO MUCH is always Bad. Fourth and not the LEAST, “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of GOD.” I have to fill myself with His Words. Not on food.

Down to the bottomline, This Gained that I have, and soon will be losing is a way of declaring that I honor God with my body, that I care about my health, that I should take good care of it.

AJA!!!

The Climb

Our lives are just like mountains, we’re sometimes on our peak, we can even get to the pit. I love how God teaches us, yes He can give everything, but He asks us also to do our part. We need to get to work. We love to be comforted always, but God did not create us to be comforted, He made us to be comforters. But now, you say, I’m facing tough trials now?

²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2

We are to live by faith. and we, most of the time forget that we are to live by faith. Mountain faith. Moving faith. That we can leap it, taking to its higher level of believe that God is the God of possibilities. He CAN. He is ABLE. We just have to exercise our faith. Throw words that will build your faith. ACT IT OUT. Coz seriously, Faith without action is dead.

From Now On.

will start posting stuffs here.

COOOOOOL

♥

Letting Go.

Maybe I’ll be doing this regularly. I think I should be doing this frequently. These past few days, I have been dealing with upspring of emotions. I was just in a sober thoughtfulness that seemed incomprehensible, it’s kind of overwhelming by the way. My primary predicament is still a predicament for me. It’s like my heart is in a tug of war. I found myself debating to something I know I am con of it. That’s another blog anyway, I’m still waiting for the proper time, or think if should I, or not blog it.

Mamemimomu. I just wished my heart is easier to read like phonics. Guard your heart. I just pray that this phrase won’t be hackneyed for me whenever I hear myself reminded of it. It’s like a frustrated utterance. My heart pounded more and became morose. I felt sadness. Such an incredible sadness, hodge-podge desperateness. I just knew that on that moment, I had let the enemy controlled my thoughts. So I sighed, stopped for a while, shouted inside, and heard myself saying, This is enough.

It’s been always the same. Same problem over and over again, that I can’t seem to understand and learn from what I know, I already know of. Do I have to see my heart bruised? Won’t let, won’t let. Oh this fragile heart, how vulnerable it is, that any word said can make or break it. I just felt an enormous guilt, but I want to believe, for I am believing that His Grace is going to work in me (Titus 2:12).

I am barely moving, am I still tangled with someone? That I can’t give my full surrender of this area of my life? It’s been how long, since I am praying about this. I ask God to take it away, make my numb heart if He must, He comes in to rescue, but over again, I kneel with the same prayer before Him.

I once said, maybe I should meet new people. But who could ever say that these new faces we met will surely leave footprints in your life? Then there it is, thinking of any potentials among them. What the heck has gone over my mind? I should be thankful that I don’t even say it. Now watch out for it. For out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks. ( Luke 6:45b)

I want to let this go. I want to end this now if it’s causing too much of my sanity, my heart’s state then I have to say goodbye now. To the feelings I’ve kept for how long, to the affection that I cherished deeply, to the sweet gestures and words that kindled my heart, I have to let go of myself now. To the dreams I had dreamt I pray for rebirth. I don’t want chest pains anymore, I don’t want to pretend to be insensitive. See I don’t want pretensions. If I let go of myself from this attachment I have put on myself, I can carefreely go on. I have to say ENOUGH. END. NO MORE. Now it’s my time to move on. How am I going to do that, now I know. SURRENDER. COMPLETELY. not partial. If this causes me to pull back, behind, crushed side by side, then I know it’s not helping considering this in my growth in knowing my Author of Salvation.

Dear Heavenly Father, now my heart is only Yours. Keep it to yours exclusively. I trust that when that right man comes, you will bring sensitivity to my senses. that it’s HIM. I want to honor you purely, solely, with full attention. Help me to trust in You completely. This I ask in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Art of Letting Go

Genuine.

On this day of your life, Rivs, we believe God wants you to know…
… that you can only give away what you already have inside yourself.

True giving happens when you are overflowing from the inside, and cannot help but share. When there is so much love within you that it has to flow to others or you would burst open. There is no thinking involved, no willpower in such sharing. It just flows out. If you have to force yourself to be kind, to love, to feel compassion, you’ve missed the first step of filling in your own Self with these emotions.

Got this from Facebook, everyday they send this to you to remind you of God. Remarkably, the first message I received really hit me like BULL’S EYE.

This draft has already been here a couple of weeks ago. Since then I know words kept hunting me that I needed to patch it down and insist on realization.

But I know it was just ‘impatience’ that drove me to really jot down what I’m into right now.  Recently, I’ve been overwhelmed by my emotions as it attempted to overpower me. Confusion, frustration, sadness hit me in a bang like all the principles I’m holding to became formless. And as the man thinks and feels, it is being translated into his actions.

What’s the story? Sometimes, I tend to tug the rope in the situation wherein I get caught of to do or not to do. Wake me up I know, of course I know if it’s within the realm of morality, but going to freewill. God has given us the choice, an option to choose, if you follow His Words or not. But how would you know if it’s not right, like, Is it right” to talk to this person?” I admit that I haven’t read the Bible from cover to cover, not even finished reading New Testament, but if there’s a verse in the Bible that said it clearly please do message me. And so I remember this one advice, I read from a Pastor’s blog, Do NOT Overspiritualize Things. For some reason, I’m a victim of this disease among Christians.

“Lord, am I doing the right thing? Oh please tell me if it’s wrong, and I won’t do it again! Give me the Word that I need! Give me signs!”

This kind of attitude is good but occasionally, it go directly to the pit of legalism of Christianity. I do not know exactly the words from Oswald Chambers, but rephrasing it He said it something like, Christianity is not what you do to better your life, not to commit mistakes, but Christianity is what has Christ done for you. Remember you are paid with a price, and there’s nothing you can do to make God love you more.

Sometimes, I can’t help myself but listen to the whining of the pressure of this world. Undoubtedly, the search for Truth is nowhere to be found in media, in magazines, not in the internet. It can only be seen in God through His Words, His Holy Spirit.

I don’t want to live in a parody of pharisaism. I want to be controlled by the Holy Spirit, for He digs down the deepest and unsearchable things in your life. I know I am vulnerable, and I’m now thankful I am. I love this quote form C.S Lewis

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung, and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket–safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not become unbreakable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is HELL.”

Back.

Finally! after a decade my wordpress is back!

I’ll be back with my thoughts later! yipee!

FOCUS.

Not every good choice is God’s choice, and seeking God’s will is the most important part in all of our decisions.

In Colossians 2:8, it is written, “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy; which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than of Christ.”

Colossians 2:8 (The Message)

8-10 Watch out for people who try to dazzle you with big words and intellectual double-talk. They want to drag you off into endless arguments that never amount to anything. They spread their ideas through the empty traditions of human beings and the empty superstitions of spirit beings. But that’s not the way of Christ. Everything of God gets expressed in him, so you can see and hear him clearly. You don’t need a telescope, a microscope, or a horoscope to realize the fullness of Christ, and the emptiness of the universe without him. When you come to him, that fullness comes together for you, too. His power extends over everything.

Last 2 nights ago, i have made a decision. Abiding by the decision i made, For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7), i poured out everything to Him and gave my heart as a sacrifice. Letting my feelings go is a declaration i brewed that i will not let a MAN break in to my convergence. Following Him maybe tough but love knows no reason, with pure love i want my obedience be put to test. but i am human. i was born sinner. my humanness will always drive its sinful nature to resurface. SOLUTION #1: Through God’s goodness, i am provided everything i need for a godly life. (2 Peter 1:3) i never tried to put a godly or holy image of myself. i won’t even try, but i want Him to shine over my life. that others would see the goodness in me that He is the one being glorified.

i am not the same everyday, yesterday is different from today. last night, i called out to God once more to take him out of the position i have put on him. emotions and feelings were undoubtedly being stirred having these in conversations to my few closest friends. i thought it’s right to have these feelings around, but no it’s not. personally, i experienced tremendous attack of lies and deception that really ate my heart out. it’s like wrestling with someone that in the very first place, there’s no match at all. i kept on pressing myself to try voiding everything, but it didn’t happen. one day and another, i pulled harder and one wrong move, i would be slipped to the edge of that tug of war. God is not honored when we have scarred someone else or been scarred ourselves either physically, emotionally, or spiritually (Philippians 2:3). True love is a decision that is consciously made. it is as much an act of the will as it is an emotion. Love is a sacrificial commitment. Jesus put his life on the line for his friends. You are his friend when you do what he commands. (John 15:13). Christ showed ultimate love by His commitment to die on the cross. it was based on His love commitment, not a feeling.

Our need for emotional oneness is driven by the fulfillment we think we’ll find with another person instead of emptiness and abandonment we feel when we’re alone. it’s like taking a pill for pain, being with someone may decrease the pain of being alone. this reduction in pain can feel so comforting that it actually makes us think we are in love. right huh? and the crash and burn happens, the other person usually becomes the focal point for all our hopes and dreams. we feed on them. when they do not love us back in the way or to the degree we think they should, we feel hurt and angry. and so I REPENTED.

Loneliness is not a time of abandonment—it just feels that way. it actually can be a moment of encountering a new level with the only ONE who can fill that empty place in our heart. I like this verse in 1 Peter 5:6-7, “So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.” (The Message) SOLUTION #2: Intimacy with God will fill the voids and pains in our heart that may have been created from childhood, or even to the most recent painful relationship we had. He intended singles to become one with Himself, then and only then to become one with a mate. if we have an intimate fellowship with God and seek first to please Him, we will have more motivation to live a pure life. Obedience is how we show God we love Him, and the obedience must always come before understanding. He asks us to obey now and trust Him for the understanding that will come later. God is the best conversationalist i ever know. He is no doubt the best listener in the entire universe. One who listens to our happiness, joy, satisfaction, disappointments, anxiety, arguments, hurts, conflicts, EVERYTHING. but we? have we tried to listen to Him when we are at our lowest, when we are in a grumbling mode? i know He’s saying to me, My child, wait. i’ll tell you something that you need to know. and what do we do, “Ugh Lord, no this can’t be, what should i do?! i never knew this would happen, why oh why?!” and then we cry out and then when we feel okay, we have reached our momentum, we go back to the usual. WAIT. HEAR ME SAY THIS. do we wait and listen?

Nearly all our choices will appear good in some way, but only one will be part of God’s perfect plan—His best for you. The chief enemy we are fighting in choosing God’s best will be our own strong inclination to make a good choice instead of a God choice. When we decide on our own that we are very compatible or totally in love with another person and therefore refuse to seek or wait His instruction. He allows us to choose the good—His permissive will. but we will miss the best—His perfect will. The problem? the things don’t work right when we are only in the permissive will of God. (1 Cor. 6:12)

“Find out where God is working and join Him there. We adjust our lives to God so He can do through us what He wants us to do. God is not our servant to make adjustments to our plans. We are His servants and we adjust our lives to what He is about to do.” Experiencing God, Henry Blackaby

Isaiah 55:8-9 (The Message)

8-11“I don’t think the way you think.
The way you work isn’t the way I work.”
God’s Decree.
“For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
not come back empty-handed.
They’ll do the work I sent them to do,
they’ll complete the assignment I gave them.

God’s knowledge and wisdom are massive. and it is far greater than ours. when we cling our decisions based on our understanding, and we see it as good, it will just work some of the time. GOD’S IDEA? it will work all the time.

it’s so funny for me to think of my past actions. seriously, they are immature. but i don’t regret doing all of them, for i know that lead me for what realization God has given me today right? the convictions God made on me are so incisive that made me knelt down before Him and repent. i have to go back on my first love. (Rev. 2:4) i thought it’s fine to have it around, but no, it’s not. it’s like you’re driving in the car with God seated beside you, and at the back, you’re bringing along your passenger. and so your attention is divided. just like our heart. when someone is taking its place rather than God, try to think it over who should be there in the very first place?

The question is not how to find a mate, but who will find a mate. God will direct me in choosing His best. I will have to trust Him with all my heart. and i will not lean on my own understanding. and He will make my path straight. (Prov. 3:5-6)

O Lord my Heavenly Father, i desire to follow Your perfect plan in my life. i commit myself to being sold out only to You. Help me to discern  this season of singleness that You have planned for me. during this season, You are the center of my life, and help me choose to be content in all things. You will fill the holes in my heart when i become lonely. i long for intimacy with You. No other man but You. I no longer desire any ties with that man and ask that You would destroy all counterfeit oneness with and memories of him. Help me forget all my feelings so that i am free to give my body, soul and spirit to YOU and to Your Best. thank You for loving and forgiving and setting me free. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN.

Choosing.

“It is the things that are right and noble and good from the natural standpoint that keep us back from God’s best.”

This quote written by Oswald Chambers on his “My Utmost for His Highest” really blew my away into my rendition. the greatest enemy in choosing God’s best is our own strong compulsion to choose what’s good. BUT, again let me emphasize the BUT, NOT every choice is GOD’s CHOICE, and the difference can radically affect our future happiness.

Last Tuesday during my 6 hours of waiting period as me and my friends watched the movie, Twilight, i went to Powerbooks to scan, read some books.. as i was paving every book in the shelves, i was just caught by the title of this book, Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikaur. and as i read upon the back of it, i know i just knew i have to get this book. i have read numerous books about relationships. and yes i’m bias, those are scriptural, biblical for spiritual growth. if i have to know something which i’m novice of, why would i go for those that are secular. just my POV.

So the long hours of being dormant, were refuted by one bowl of Super Halo-Halo and tiny bits of wisdom from reading at Icebergs Chocolate Spoon. When my friend arrived, i was so excited to show him the book. His reaction was the almost kind of hello to him, the “Boom”. Funny to think, but this is really a Mushroom Cloud for me. that was a hecka expression bro! i have read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Boy Meets Girl, Not even a HINT by Joshua Harris, When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy, What to do until Love Finds You by Michelle Mckinny Hammond, Who Has Your Heart? by Emily Ryan, and the list goes on..

After watching the movie as we headed to the car, and drove off back home, i accidentally left the book at my friend’s car. and i should say that it’s a will of God. i was too preoccupied with my feelings and emotions, as they were being stirred up by the movie (sad to say, but yes. Lol)

i just got the book back last Saturday. and i started reading it from the beginning last night. I am daring to be different. this call may seem to be or it is indeed aberrant. But i am holding to that WORTH the WAIT, that man whom i label, Mr. God’s Best.

“For I know the plans I have for you, ” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jer. 29:11

this is one of my favorite verses. and as i ponder on this, i can’t help but think, Lord, also my love life? YES is the answer. definitely. He created every good things in this world.. yes even romance. “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18), romance, marriage and commitment, He designed all of these. the question now is, but why does it hurt so much? Do we really have to hurt and love at the same time? I certainly believe, God did not love us to hurt each other. God isn’t out to spoil our fun, His purpose is to keep us from the pain, heartbreak, and disappointment that come from trying to satisfy our needs out of selfishness instead of godliness. There are thousands of books about relationships, do’s and don’ts, tips and advices, commandments, all of these that society makes are trying to hone us down to follow its patterns. But you know God did that thousands of years ago. It is the Bible. Talking about “breaking” God’s commandments, but the truth is that when we sin, it’s not the rules that are broken. IT’S US.

The lasting consequences of our beginning will affect our ending. Many of us, allow ourselves to develop counterfeit oneness with another person only to find their hearts ripped apart after the relationship ends. They feel as if they are losing part of themselves. the relationship seems like artificial, counterfeit, and temporary.

i don’t like try outs. few men have already commented me from having the high standards that i regard for “that” man. true enough, i believe i have them. and i could proudly say, i will not try to even lower the bars. why? i won’t compromise those, coz frankly speaking with selflessness and a humble spirit, why would i settle for less if my God, the God of all the heavens, can give me the BEST? With both hands raised, i declare it in Jesus’ Name!

Now i hear you say, “Sounds good, but i don’t understand how we are to find this person—the one God has for us.” and this line from the book i advise to you, “You don’t have to do anything but concentrate on being the right person—the person God wants you to be—instead of finding the right person. Godly marriages are made by first living godly lives. It’s God’s responsibility to reveal whether you will marry and whom you will marry. The arrangement is up to Him.”

God the matchmaker? HE TRULY IS!

“It’s so important not to try to pick someone and make it happen but just let God work in the situation. God is in control and desires what is best for us.”

I am setting apart. i know how i wanted to be radical in believing, and i have allowed the enemy to distract me and tried to pollute my mind with all his lies. i am so thankful for His grace, which is so abounding. His mercy is limitless.. He is the ultimate redeemer. the Beginning and the End. Having this kind of direction is usually bothering, particularly if everyone else isn’t moving in the same direction you are. Yet God calls His people to a higher standard than the standard of the world. we are demanded to be courageously different. and that’s precisely where the problem lies—courtship makes you different. the world likes a pattern and is suspicious of nonconformity. God has chosen us out of the world. (Jn 15:19) we are not of this world. we’re aliens here. this is not the world we will live.

Take heart. I always say this to myself. Guard it. as i have my moments with Him, i have read this verse that surely knocked me in awe. it’s like, wow! i can’t believe God that this kind of issue, You really have a say!

“What a man desires is unfailing love,

better to be poor than a liar.” Proverbs 19:22

Need to say more?

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9

Let my heart take courage so i can resist following my own schedule and timing rather than God’s, so i can resist the pressure of other people’s attitudes and opinions, and so i can resist my own fear of failing to find a relationship. I am willing to wait Lord, help me to set my eyes on You, focus only to You not on the things that i care for. You care most above everybody. Help me to grasp Your Love, how wide, how deep, how great Your love for me.. You are the only one who have love me like this.. set me apart from this world Lord..